Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
