So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
