Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
