dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
