Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
