I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
