I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
