Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
