Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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