So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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