3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Christians are straight up FREAKS
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
