I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think I just sharted jello shots
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
