Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
