Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
