I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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