Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize