he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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