You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
