Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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