I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
