you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
