I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
