Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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