why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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