I need help removing her.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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