Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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