Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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