and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
