; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
