It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
