Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize