capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
