I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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