So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
