How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
