THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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