If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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