Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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