you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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