The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
