Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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