btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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