I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
