Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
