Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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