I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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