I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
