I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
