im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
