1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
