Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
