Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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