I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
