If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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