do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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