Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
