I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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