i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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