I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
