Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize