i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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