she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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