Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
